Introduction
Financial transparency is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship, yet it is often the most difficult to maintain. When you realize you are dealing with a spendthrift and dishonest partner, the emotional and financial strain can feel overwhelming. This behavior often stems from deep-seated habits or external pressures that require a structured approach to resolve. This guide explores why these behaviors occur and provides actionable steps to rebuild trust and stability while managing the impact of lifestyle inflation.
Understanding Why a Partner Becomes a Spendthrift and Dishonest Partner
Before we dive into the solutions, it’s essential to understand the root of the problem. Why would someone we love resort to financial dishonesty? Usually, the behavior of a spendthrift and dishonest partner doesn’t appear overnight. There are powerful psychological and environmental factors behind it, especially for the younger generation living in the digital age.
Lifestyle Pressure and Social Media
We live in an era where success is often measured by what we display on our phone screens. The pressure to always look ‘up-to-date,’ try out the latest viral cafe, or own the newest gadgets can make someone feel inferior if they don’t keep up. FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and social pressure are major drivers of irrational consumer behavior. For some, admitting they can’t afford something feels shameful, so they choose to keep spending in secret.
Fact: Percentage of Gen Z individuals admitting to keeping financial secrets from their partners — 67 percent (2024-2025) — Source: Bankrate
Past Financial Trauma
How someone manages money is heavily influenced by how they were raised. A partner who grew up in a household that was extremely strict about money might rebel by overspending once they have their own income. Conversely, those who have experienced extreme poverty might feel the need to ‘compensate’ by buying everything they couldn’t have before. Dishonesty emerges as a defense mechanism to avoid criticism or being restricted by their partner.
Lack of Basic Financial Literacy
Many of us graduate from school or university without ever being taught how to create a budget or understand credit card interest. Without a solid understanding of beginner financial planning, someone might not realize that small, continuous expenses can have a fatal impact. This ignorance is often wrapped in an avoidant attitude, which eventually triggers conflict when the bills start piling up.
7 Tips for Dealing with a Spendthrift and Dishonest Partner
Facing this situation requires a combination of empathy and firmness. You can’t just get angry without providing a solution, but you also shouldn’t allow yourself to sink into their financial mess. Here are practical steps you can take to handle a spendthrift and dishonest partner.
1. Initiate a Non-Judgmental ‘Financial Deep Talk’
The first step always begins with communication. However, avoid starting the conversation when you’re emotional or right after discovering evidence of a lie. Pick a calm time, like while relaxing on the weekend. Use sentences that focus on your feelings, not their mistakes. Instead of saying, “Why do you keep shopping?”, try using, “I feel anxious about the future of our savings, can we discuss this month’s spending plan?”
In this session, ask your partner to be open about any debts or installments they might have. Remember, the goal of this discussion is to find a solution, not to find someone to blame. Honesty is the primary foundation for correcting the behavior of a spendthrift and dishonest partner.
2. Create Separate Accounts for Personal Needs
Transparency doesn’t mean you have to merge all your money. In fact, for many couples, a ‘three-pocket’ account system is the best solution.
- Joint Pocket: For rent, shared installments, and daily living costs.
- Your Personal Pocket: Money you’re free to use without reporting.
- Partner’s Personal Pocket: The maximum limit they can spend on hobbies or personal pleasures.
With this system, the behavior of a spendthrift and dishonest partner can be minimized because they have their own ‘allowance’ to be impulsive without disturbing emergency funds or basic needs.
3. Use a Shared Expenses App
Technology is here to make transparency easier. Instead of asking each other “where did the money go?”, it’s better to use an automated recording system. Here is a comparison of several methods you can use:
| Method | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|
| Manual Notebook | Very cheap, no internet needed | Often forgotten, hard to analyze |
| Spreadsheet (Excel/G-Sheets) | Detailed, customizable | Complicated to access on mobile, boring |
| MoneyKu (Mobile App) | Fast, shared/group features, cute visuals | Requires input discipline |
| WhatsApp Notes | Very practical, used often | Messy, data hard to summarize |
As a modern choice, you can try MoneyKu. This app is specifically designed so that the activity of keeping daily financial records doesn’t feel like a chore. MoneyKu has a group feature that allows you to invite your partner into one financial ecosystem. Every time there’s an expense, you can log it immediately, and the cute cat visuals will help reduce stress when looking at spending charts.
Compared to other best financial management apps, MoneyKu focuses on logging speed (quick entry) and offline-first synchronization. So, even if you’re in an area with a poor signal, the records are still saved. However, keep in mind that MoneyKu currently focuses on manual recording and AI assistance rather than direct integration with all Indonesian banks.
4. Set an Agreed-Upon ‘Spending Limit’
One of the most effective ways to deal with a spendthrift and dishonest partner is by setting clear boundaries. For example, agree that any spending over Rp500,000 (or another figure that fits your budget) must be discussed first. This isn’t a form of control, but rather a form of mutual respect for shared financial priorities.
5. Give Small Rewards for Budgeting Achievements
Don’t just focus on restrictions. Give appreciation when your partner manages to hold back from impulsive shopping. For instance, if you manage to stay under budget for a month, use a small portion of the remaining money for a romantic dinner or a movie night together. Building positive habits is more effective than constantly giving punishments. You can also read various savings tips for couples to find creative ways to save money without feeling deprived.
6. Schedule Relaxed Weekly Financial Audits
An audit doesn’t have to sound as scary as a tax inspection. Set aside 15 minutes every Sunday night to review the expenses in the app. The goal is to detect early on if any spending patterns are starting to drift. If there’s a data discrepancy, discuss it with a cool head. This routine audit trains the transparency muscles of a spendthrift and dishonest partner so they get used to being honest about every cent that goes out.
7. Be Firm with Financial Boundaries
If you’ve tried all the methods above and your partner still doesn’t change, you must be brave enough to set consequences. For example, you stop covering their credit card debt or no longer lend them money for non-emergency needs. Remember, helping an extravagant person by constantly providing ‘bailouts’ will only ensure they never learn. Your firmness is a form of love so that they’re willing to change for your collective future.
Scenario: From Hidden Installments to Total Transparency
Let’s take an example case from a fictional couple, Andi and Rina (not their real names). Rina felt something was off because Andi always seemed restless when a delivery courier arrived at the house. After a heart-to-heart talk, Andi finally admitted that he had paylater installments for his photography hobby that he had never mentioned. Andi’s behavior as a spendthrift and dishonest partner almost ended their relationship because Rina felt betrayed.
Andi: “I was afraid you’d be mad if you knew I bought a new lens using installments.”
Rina: “I’m angrier because you lied, Andi. If we were open, we could find a way to save for it without having to go into debt secretly.”
Eventually, they decided to use the shared logging system in MoneyKu. Every time Andi felt like buying something, he entered it into the ‘Saving Plan’ feature in the app. Seeing the cat visual get happier as the savings grew provided a unique motivation for Andi. Now, transparency is no longer a scary thing for them, but a fun game.
Fatal Mistakes: What Happens if Left Unchecked?
Many people think that money problems will solve themselves once income increases. In fact, the issue of a spendthrift and dishonest partner is a behavioral problem, not a money quantity problem. If left alone, the domino effect can destroy every aspect of your life.
Domino Effect on Mental Health
Constantly feeling suspicious and anxious about financial conditions can trigger chronic stress. You might experience difficulty sleeping, loss of appetite, or become easily irritated. The mental burden of carrying secrets or bearing someone else’s financial weight is incredibly heavy.
Fact: Prevalence of financial infidelity among U.S. adults in live-in relationships — 40 percent (2024-2025) — Source: Bankrate
Trapped in a Shared Debt Cycle
In Indonesia, there are many cases where one party goes into debt, but the other party (partner or family) ends up being chased by debt collectors. If you don’t immediately address the behavior of a spendthrift and dishonest partner, you risk being dragged into a financial black hole that is difficult to escape.
Loss of Trust (Financial Infidelity)
Dishonesty regarding money is often called financial infidelity. The wounds caused by these lies are often as deep as physical infidelity. Once that trust is broken, it takes years to rebuild.
FAQ: Handling Financial Drama in Relationships
Here are some frequently asked questions regarding how to deal with financial issues with a partner.
What is financial infidelity and its signs?
Financial infidelity is the act of hiding financial transactions, debts, or accounts from a partner. Signs include: a partner being very defensive when asked about money, hidden piles of shopping packages, or billing statements arriving in their name without your knowledge. Identifying these signs early is crucial before you get truly stuck with a spendthrift and dishonest partner.
How to correct a partner without hurting their ego?
The key is timing and word choice. Use a “us vs. the problem” approach, not “me vs. you.” Focus on your big goals, like wanting to buy a house or go on vacation together. By showing that financial transparency is the ticket to your shared dreams, your partner will feel more motivated rather than cornered.
Should I break up if my partner won’t change?
This is a very personal decision. However, you must be honest with yourself: are you ready to live in financial uncertainty forever? If a spendthrift and dishonest partner has been given repeated opportunities, taken to a financial counselor, but still shows no good faith, then prioritizing your own mental and financial health is the main priority.
Is it safe to merge savings before marriage?
It is highly recommended to keep separate accounts until there is a strong legal bond. You can create one joint account for dating expenses or vacation plans, but emergency funds and individual future savings should remain under each person’s control. This is a preventive step in case you find yourself dealing with a spendthrift and dishonest partner.
Conclusion
Dealing with a spendthrift and dishonest partner is exhausting, but it doesn’t mean there is no way out. With open communication, the use of the right tools like a financial recording app, and firmness in setting boundaries, you can start to improve this situation. Remember that a healthy relationship is one that has transparency in all aspects, including every single cent you own. Take a small step today, and don’t let financial issues take away the happiness you deserve.
