7 Financial Red Flags in a Partner You Must Watch Out For

What Are Financial Red Flags and Why Should You Care?

In simple terms, financial red flags are bad behaviors or habits in managing finances shown by someone, which have the potential to become major problems in a future relationship. Financial red flags in a partner can manifest in various forms, from impulsive spending habits to being secretive about the amount of debt they carry. Why should we care? Because in a long-term relationship, especially marriage, finances are a shared resource. If one party has a destructive mindset, the other will also bear the risk.

Many of us might feel ‘too in love’ and excuse a partner’s wasteful nature, or feel hesitant to ask how they manage their income. However, it’s important to understand that financial compatibility is just as vital as personality compatibility. If you’re the type to be disciplined in saving while your partner lives by the ‘eat today, worry tomorrow’ principle, a major conflict is just a matter of time. Understanding these signs doesn’t mean we’re materialistic; it means we’re mitigating risks for a more peaceful future.

As financial literacy grows among Gen Z and Millennials, understanding financial red flags in a partner is becoming an increasingly relevant topic. We don’t want to get stuck in a relationship that is emotionally stable but financially devastating. Building transparency from the dating phase is the best investment so that you and your partner can implement smart ways to plan finances together in the future.

7 Financial Red Flags in a Partner Often Ignored

Often, these signs appear as small behaviors we consider normal. However, if left to accumulate, these small things can become a time bomb. Here are 7 financial red flags in a partner that must be on your radar:

1. Habitual Debt for Lifestyle (Digging a Hole to Fill a Hole)

This is one of the most obvious signs. If your partner often goes into debt—whether to friends, family, or through loan apps—just to maintain a lifestyle that is actually beyond their means, this is a major danger sign. Consumptive debt shows an inability to control oneself and distinguish between wants and needs. The ‘digging a hole to fill a hole’ behavior reflects very poor financial management and a lack of responsibility toward the future.

2. Being Secretive and Defensive When Asked About Money

Openness is the key to a healthy relationship. If your partner suddenly gets angry, changes the subject, or acts very defensive when you try to ask about their general financial condition, you should be wary. This secretive attitude often hides bigger problems, like mounting debt or financial failures they don’t want to admit. Transparency doesn’t mean controlling each other, but knowing for mutual comfort.

3. Financial Infidelity: Lying About Prices or Installments

Financial infidelity occurs when someone lies to their partner about money. For example, saying they bought shoes for 500k when they actually cost 2 million, or hiding the fact that they are paying off luxury items in installments. These small lies show a lack of honesty that can spread to other aspects of the relationship. If they dare to lie about small things, what about big commitments later? Recognizing financial red flags in a partner in the form of small lies is very important before moving to a serious level.

4. High-End Lifestyle but Zero Savings

Does your partner always look branded, often hang out at expensive cafes, and always have the latest gadget, but always complain about having no money at the end of the month? Having a high lifestyle without the foundation of strong savings is a sign of mismatched priorities. People without savings or investments tend to struggle when facing emergency situations. After all, you know how important emergency funds are for young couples to maintain stability if something unexpected happens.

5. Controlling Behavior (Financial Abuse) Over Your Money

This red flag isn’t just about how they spend their own money, but how they treat yours. If your partner starts dictating how you should spend your salary, asking you to fund all their desires, or even forbidding you from saving for personal needs, this enters the realm of financial abuse. A healthy relationship must provide responsible financial freedom for both parties, not one-way oppression.

6. No Concrete Future Plans

Another characteristic of financial red flags in a partner is when asked about 5 or 10-year plans, the answer is always vague or ‘we’ll see’. Without concrete plans, a person tends to spend money impulsively. A good partner should already have a rough idea of how they will achieve financial goals, like buying a house or preparing for a child’s education. If they only focus on today’s pleasure, you might have trouble building a future with them.

7. Constantly Borrowing Money from You Without Intent to Repay

Lending money to a partner during an emergency is reasonable as a form of support. However, if this becomes a recurring habit and they seem to forget to pay it back, it’s an integrity issue. Using a romantic relationship as an excuse to get free loans is a form of manipulation. This shows they don’t appreciate your hard work in earning money.

Fatal Mistakes When Assessing a Partner’s Financial Character

In the journey of recognizing financial red flags in a partner, many people fall into wrong assumptions. These mistakes often make us turn a blind eye to the harsh reality just to maintain feelings.

Thinking ‘They’ll Change After Marriage’

This is the most dangerous myth. A person’s financial character is usually formed from years of habits and values instilled since childhood. Expecting someone to change drastically just because their marital status has changed is a huge gamble. If they can’t control spending while dating, most likely that habit will carry over into marriage, even with higher economic pressure.

Being Too Hesitant (Ewuh Pakewuh) to Discuss Transparency

The culture of ‘feeling awkward’ or ewuh pakewuh is still very strong in Indonesia. We often feel it’s impolite to ask about the amount of debt or how a partner allocates their salary. In fact, financial transparency is a form of respect for the relationship. By being hesitant, you’re actually letting potential problems grow unchecked. Don’t wait until you find out your partner has hundreds of millions in debt after you’ve signed the marriage book.

Equating ‘Generosity’ with ‘Financial Stability’

Don’t be fooled by a partner who often buys you luxury gifts or always treats you at expensive places. Being ‘generous’ doesn’t always mean they are stable. It could be that this generosity is funded by a credit card that’s almost maxed out or other loans. It’s important to distinguish between genuine generosity from a healthy surplus of income and a flashy attitude that actually threatens their own financial stability. Recognizing financial red flags in a partner means looking beyond what is visible on the surface.

Behavior	Healthy (Green Flag)	Unhealthy (Red Flag)
Money Discussion	Open and solution-oriented	Defensive and avoidant
Lifestyle	Within means	Dependent on debt
Savings	Has an emergency fund	Always spent on wants
Transparency	Honest about salary & debt	Often lies about prices
Future Goals	Has concrete plans	Lives without a plan

Real Scenario: When ‘Borrow a Hundred’ Becomes a Habit

Let’s take a real-world scenario you might often see on social media or around you. Imagine you’re in a relationship with someone very fun, humorous, and attentive. However, every time the end of the month approaches, they always send a text: ‘Babe, can I borrow a hundred (or a million) real quick? I’ll pay you back as soon as I get paid.’

The first week after payday, they do pay it back, but by the third week, they borrow again with a larger amount. Then you notice, in the second week, they just bought the latest running shoes that cost millions. This is a real example of financial red flags in a partner that shows an inability to prioritize needs over wants.

How should you respond? If you constantly provide loans, you are indirectly facilitating their bad habit. You become the ‘safety net’ that makes them feel they don’t need to learn to manage money properly. The best way is to start setting boundaries. Honestly say that you also have financial targets to reach and cannot constantly cover their shortfalls.

This storytelling teaches us that love shouldn’t make us financially blind. If your partner truly respects you, they will try to improve themselves and won’t let you get dragged into the financial problems they created. Recognizing financial red flags in a partner is a form of self-love and love for your collective future.

Healthy Ways to Start Transparency Without Breaking the Relationship

After recognizing the signs, the next step is to act. How do you invite your partner to start being open about money without sounding like you’re interrogating or suspecting them? Here are some practical steps you can try:

1. ‘Money Talk’ Tips for New Couples

Start the conversation with light topics. You can talk about your savings goal for this month or a financial mistake you made in the past. This will prompt your partner to share their experiences too. Don’t immediately ask for their salary on the first date, but observe how they make decisions when shopping or choosing a place to eat. This will give an initial picture of their financial character.

2. The Importance of Viewing Spending Habits Objectively

Try to occasionally discuss shared expenses over the past month. Have you been eating out too often? Has your dating cost exceeded the budget? By looking at data objectively, you can start learning to compromise. This is where you can provide tips for consistent expense tracking so you both know where the money is going.

3. Utilizing Tools Like MoneyKu

Transparency will be much easier if supported by the right tools. You can introduce the MoneyKu app to your partner as a solution for practical financial recording. With user-friendly features, MoneyKu helps anyone—including young couples—be more aware of their financial condition. One very useful feature when dating is the Split Bill feature. You can use the split bill feature for dates so that expense sharing is fairer, transparent, and automatically recorded.

With MoneyKu, you no longer have to guess where your partner’s money goes, because they themselves will get used to seeing their financial records visually and neatly. This can gradually minimize the appearance of financial red flags in a partner due to the sense of responsibility that grows from the habit of recording.

FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions About Money & Dating

Many people are still confused about setting boundaries between privacy and transparency. Here are some answers to frequently asked questions:

Is it normal to ask about a partner’s salary while still dating?
It’s normal, especially if your relationship is heading toward a serious stage or marriage. Knowing your partner’s salary range helps you plan a realistic future. However, make sure you’re also ready to be honest about your own salary.

What if my partner has debt from online loan apps?
Don’t immediately end the relationship, but look at their attitude. Do they have a concrete plan to pay it off? Are they honest about the cause of the debt? If they are trying to fix it and are open, that’s a positive signal. However, if they keep hiding it or even ask you to pay it off, that’s one of the very heavy financial red flags in a partner.

When is the best time to discuss serious finances?
The best time is when you start talking about long-term commitments, like living together or getting engaged. Don’t wait until the invitations are sent out to start being honest about each other’s financial conditions.

Should we have a joint savings account before marriage?
This depends on the agreement. However, it is recommended to keep your own personal savings first. Joint savings while dating can be a risk if the relationship doesn’t continue. Better to focus on transparency and the habit of managing your own money properly before merging assets.

Recognizing financial red flags in a partner takes courage and honesty. But remember, the ultimate goal is for the common good. A relationship built on trust and financial transparency will be much more resilient in facing various life trials in the future. Don’t hesitate to start talking about money today, because mature love is love that also cares about future well-being.